


Lonely Each Christmas

by SamuelJames



Category: Primeval
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, M/M, Sucidal Thoughts Briefly Discussed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 09:38:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5535014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamuelJames/pseuds/SamuelJames
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom opens up about missing Danny who is still lost in time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lonely Each Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> _Title: Lonely Each Christmas_   
>  _Characters/Pairings: Tom Ryan and Abby Maitland (Danny Quinn/Tom Ryan, Abby Maitland/Connor Temple & Matt Anderson/Ethan Dobrowski)_   
>  _Rating: 15+_   
>  _Summary: Tom opens up about missing Danny who is still lost in time._   
>  _Notes: Wasn't quite finished for Christmas 2013 and just missed posting it last year so I'm sticking it up a few days late._   
>  _Warning: Brief mention of suicidal thoughts._   
>  _Disclaimer: This transformative work has been created purely for entertainment purposes. No profit is made or sought. No copyright infringement is intended._   
>  _Archiving Information: Please do not archive elsewhere on the net or in other formats/languages._

"Can't believe it's less than a week till Christmas," says Abby. "This year flew by."

Tom shrugs and nods. He puts his lunch in the microwave, closes the door and jabs the timer button a little too enthusiastically. To him it's just another year without Danny.

"Do you want to come to ours for dinner?"

He sits across from Abby and smiles. "Thanks but I'm going to Matt and Ethan's."

"Hoping to interrogate him over dinner."

"No, I believe he didn't kill Danny or feed him to a triceratops or whatever."

"They're herbivores," says Abby correcting him instinctively. "I know it's hard for you."

"Ethan's my only link to him and I can't give up on Danny. As you can see I wouldn't be very good company."

The microwave beeps and Tom gets up slowly. He's only eating to keep himself going and one dish of microwaved sludge is much the same as another. Abby's almost finished her salad but she puts down her fork. Great he'll have an audience while he eats.

"Ryan. I know I'm lucky." She twists her engagement ring round on her finger. "Connor and I got home and we are so lucky to have each other."

"Christ, hope you don't volunteer for The Samaritans."

Abby stands and throws her fork in the sink. She drops her salad box in the bin and shit he thinks he's made her cry.

"Sorry, Abby. Don't go because of me and my moods."

"What I wanted..." She bites her lip. "I miss him too, that's what I wanted to say. You don't know what it was like to be back and have Becker ask about Danny, have Lester wonder where he was and for Connor to have to tell you we'd lost him. He saved the human race, he saved me and I don't even go to church but I pray for him every day. He's a fighter and if he can make it back to us he will. Damn you for making me cry at work." Abby drags her hand across her face.

"I'm sorry, Abby, really I am. It's all the missed chances that get to me. Any anomaly could be the one but I could miss him. What if he's hurt somewhere? What if he died in the past or the future and I'd never know? I think these things and then hate myself for thinking he might be dead. I'm beginning to understand why families of missing people say that they just want answers. The not knowing drives me crazy. Abby, please don't tell anyone all of this. I need to keep my job and they might take that from me if they thought I couldn't be Becker’s second in command. I can do it, I put myself through months of physio to get back to this job and I’m good at it. It's when I go home that the silence gets to me."

"Nobody thinks you can’t do this, Ryan. I won't say a word and I won't pretend that my grief is more than yours but lots of people miss him so it's okay to talk to us. I can understand why you need Lester to see you as a super soldier but that's got to be tiring."

"Can I ask what it was like?"

Abby sits back down and he's relieved.

"Rough. Are you sure you want to know?"

Tom nods. It'll give him more to worry about but he wants to know.

"We were in danger, scared, hungry and some days I was so tired. Danny's a fighter but me, I almost gave up. I didn't think I was the type of person to crack under pressure but without Connor I'd have probably let some dinosaur catch me."

"Fuck. Sounds awful."

"There were nice moments too but I struggled. I feel guilty about Danny."

Tom puts up his hand to shush her, thinking there's someone coming. "Sorry, don't want someone walking in on this. Thanks for telling me what it was like. I'm sorry for earlier, just miss him so much sometimes. Sure he used to make me watch football and then complain when I made him sit through the rugby but he made me smile after a shit day and never hogged the duvet. We only had one Christmas together but I'd been thinking of asking him to move in properly so his stuff wouldn't be split between my place and his."

The sympathetic look from Abby is almost too much.

“Thanks for listening, Abby. Sorry for being a miserable git. I didn't mean to upset you.”

“It’s okay. You’re forgiven. Connor and I are lucky but we know what it was like. If you ever need to not pretend, you can come to us.”

"Maybe. Thanks again."

The anomaly alarm sounds and he’s never been so grateful to hear it. It gets him out of this conversation but it could also mean answers. He nods at Abby and heads to the armoury to join his team. He hears the alarms in his sleep sometimes, hopes having been dashed time and again as his brain sees fit to torment him with visions of Danny being ripped to pieces. 

When he reaches the armoury Becker is giving the details of the site the anomaly is at. Tom, the good soldier that he is, focuses on the task at hand. Every anomaly means possible danger and he won't let anyone else down.


End file.
